shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
