We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
