i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Randomize
