you're like a bully in the Christmas story
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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