Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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