My boss' voice literally gives me gas
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
