I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize