Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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