It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
