I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize