u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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