I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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