Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
