Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize