He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
