I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
