didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
