Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
