life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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