I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
