Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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