I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
