you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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