well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
