Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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