i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
