My friends, they love my intelligence
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize