so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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