I want to walk on stilts...naked
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
