Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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