No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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