and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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