i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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