I saw his package. It spoke to me.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
