I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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