they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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