I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
