Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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