I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
