and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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