There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
