the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Alive.
So much puke
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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