It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
