By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
