Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
