I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
