Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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