Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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