Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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