i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
