Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
