just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Randomize
