Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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