You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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