i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
