You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
