so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
