The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
