I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
