I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
