You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
