Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
