It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
