I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
