I seem to have left my pride at pride
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
