I wish I only lived at night.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Never joke about your clitoris.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
