We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
