Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
