I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
