I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Randomize
