We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
