Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
