im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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