ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
