is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
