girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
