HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I didn't shave. On purpose
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
it hurts more in the daytime
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize