covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
