I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
