Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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