listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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