Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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