I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
